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What to Avoid When Asking For a Divorce

Telling your spouse that you want a divorce is never an easy task. However, there are ways to make it less painful and difficult. Some of those were discussed by experts in recent articles in publications such as Parenting Today and Psychology Today:

The Easy Way Out

Discussing your thoughts and concerns in person versus sending a text or email is the proper way to ensure that each side has an opportunity for closure. When it comes to ending a marriage, doing so as expeditiously (and easily) as possible can be devastating to your spouse, even if it does save you from some of the drama and confrontation of ending the relationship. It can also create more questions that then need to be answered.

Passive Aggressive Tactics

Other moves to avoid include posting the news on social media first and/or having others deliver the news to your spouse for you. This should also not be done in front of your children or in public where you can be easily overheard.

After Intimacy

When both you and your spouse have been intimate, typically you are more vulnerable than at other times, making a divorce announcement all the more difficult to handle during that time.

Some Important Considerations Beforehand

Psychology experts suggest considering several additional, important factors before you bring up the topic of divorce, including:

  • Do you think your spouse will be surprised by your request? By analyzing what you already know, you can try to estimate just how surprised they will be, and thus how long it may take them to accept the reality of what is coming.
  • When is the best time to ensure that you won’t be interrupted?
  • Be careful about getting defensive: If your spouse starts to sound critical or accusatory, it can be easy to fire back, and fire low. However, this can add fuel to the fire, and ensure that things go downhill fast. Thus, regardless, the experts suggest that you, instead, listen and avoid becoming defensive or start to critique them as well. What can sometimes be helpful is summarizing what you have heard from them and reiterating how they have described their feelings so that they feel heard.
  • Avoid going over history: Divorce mediators repeatedly state that it is close to impossible to get a couple to agree on history and who did what to whom, etc. Insist on focusing on the future and moving forward and refuse a discussion of who is to blame for what happened in the past.

Learn More about Divorce in Florida

Many couples in Florida divorce each year, and some manage to do so amicably with the assistance of an experienced attorney to ensure that the process is both compassionate and bearable. If you are contemplating divorce, contact Sandra Bonfiglio at her Fort Lauderdale office today to schedule a consultation and see how we can help you.

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