Splitopia Asks Us to Reconsider What Divorce Means

A new book released by Wendy Paris—Splitopia: Dispatches from Today’s Good Divorce and How to Part Well—is receiving a lot of attention, and rightfully so; today, many couples are getting divorced, so why should the practice still be stigmatized in American society, particularly when it is, as argued by Paris, very similar to other difficult experiences one goes through in life.

The Principles

In her book, Paris discusses very specific principles that she recommends anyone going through a divorce follow, such as:

• Experiencing self-compassion (forgiving yourself);
• Avoiding comparing yourself to others;
• Letting go of what you cannot control; and
• Taking responsibility for what you can

The Challenges

Maintaining self-awareness is perhaps one of the most difficult challenges associated with divorce; many people experience a pain that is related to one’s individual identity, a pain that makes it difficult to step back and view the situation as a “reasonable” person would (for example, giving yourself the same advice you might provide to a friend going through divorce).

The book also addresses the challenges that socioeconomic status introduces in divorce; the obvious reality that, for some, it is simply easier to divorce than others due to financial status. This is not only due to some of the legal (and even medical) costs associated with divorce and/or child support, but also due to how socioeconomic status affects one’s tendency to get married (at particular ages) in the first place.

Divorce Is Newfound Independence

Ultimately, Paris draws connections between deciding to divorce and deciding never to marry, as divorcing also basically results in being single. And in the same way that society is increasingly becoming accepting of the choice some make to never marry, it too should support the choice to, once again, become independent, as one sees fit. It also purports to treat divorce similarly to marriage itself; instead of associating divorce with contentiousness and bitterness, associate it with concepts of cooperation and self-growth.

Some have recommended that anyone considering a divorce perhaps read Splitopia, likening the author’s voice to a friend who has advice to offer based on having just gone through a “good” divorce. Specifically, while your attorney often helps you with the legal aspects of a divorce, there are other important issues related to the emotional, economic, community, and sometimes co-parental aspects of the process. The book seeks to empower its readers and reassure them that they can get through the process as happy, healthy individuals.

Representation during Divorce

If you are dealing with divorce and live in Boca Raton, Fort Lauderdale, Broward County, or surrounding areas, contact us today at the office of Sandra Bonfiglio to schedule a consultation and learn about our services. We provide compassionate representation and peace of mind to our clients in all areas of family law.