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When Is Divorce An “Aphrodisiac”?

On January 6th, the Washington Post featured an article on topics that many of us sometimes find ourselves discussing with friends—topics such as parenting, marriage, work, and aging—as well as one topic that often does not get discussed, and that’s the “bad rap” that middle-age moms get when it comes to sex in marriage.

Marriage & “Ruts”

Specifically, the author noted that many couples who have been married for years find themselves in a “rut,” if you will, where they are no longer interested in engaging in physical intimacy with their spouse. And, especially when it comes to marriage middle-aged moms, there are many “reasons” that are put forth by society to try and explain this; whether it’s due to exhaustion, hormones, body-image issues, etc.

Divorce & New Intimacy

However, the article author noted the following: perhaps the real reason has more to do with simply no longer being physically interested in the same partner and, should those mid-life women get “divorce papers and a new lover,” you might be surprised at how interest in physical intimacy has nothing to do with women getting older; but rather, regardless of age, women can experience a surge in rediscovering that they are in fact “sexual beings” once they obtain a divorce.

In addition, is it possible that we, as a society, judge divorced moms (specifically) a little too harshly for having sexuality? And where does this stem from, exactly? According to some experts cited in the article, it has to do with this fear that a mother’s sexuality will somehow “jeopardize” her child, and this sentiment that a child might ‘suffer’ as a result of their mother’s actions has been extended to a single mom’s career as well, in many instances. Arguably, while attitudes towards sex outside of marriage have changed with time, those towards mothers have not; they are always expected to put their children’s needs first (assuming their needs would even conflict with their children’s needs in the first place).

Discovering Intimacy Later In Life

And, contrary to what many might believe, women around the world reported feeling more sexually satisfied after 25 years (i.e. when the child-rearing years were over) and even once they’ve gone through menopause, when pregnancy is no longer an issue.

The sexologists quoted in the article thus concluded that people often confuse the overall loss of sexual interest with the loss of interest with one specific person. This is why divorce, for many women, feels so liberating, because perhaps their libido isn’t actually gone, but rather, has just been “asleep.”

Contact Us for Advice

If you are facing any issues related to family law—divorce, spousal support, etc.—and you live in Fort Lauderdale or surrounding areas, contact Sandra Bonfiglio, P.A. to schedule a consultation and learn more about our services. Simply knowing that you do not have to go through the divorce process alone can provide you with peace of mind. You would be surprised at how taking this first step can feel liberating.

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